Intention in action
Intentionality is one of my core values.
(I have tons of resources around figuring out then acting on YOUR core values…you can start here and I can send a ton more if you hit reply and ask for them.)
So when I thought through all the details for my Made For Mothers x Central Illinois launch, a LOT when into the feel of it. (And no, not every email I write will be about MFM—this is likely the last one for a while.)
My main goal was to make “networking” and relationship-building and resource sharing feel natural and warm and as un-awkward as possible. I could see how many people in the room were not fans of traditional hobnobbing. Fair enough.
So, I planted little moments of levity and common ground and self-expression all around the room. These were ways to ease into the space and the experience, even when I wasn’t able to directly make intros or grease the wheels of conversation for people.
At the entrance, I had nametags and a bunch of colorful dry erase markers to draw, add context, inject personality. (Plus—reuseable vs single use = sustainable, which is very important to me.)
Next, I had a curated, thrifted mug collection. Think: goofy, thoughtful, inspirational, playful. I wanted the mug each person chose to reflect their mood that day and serve as an easy, light conversation starter if they’re searching for what to say or ask about. (Plus again, no single use on my watch please!)
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Conversation-starter prompts were scattered around the room so that non-expert-level networkers and introverts don’t have to scan their brains about what to talk about…and still come up empty. I wrote most of them to be able to go as deep or surface level, as personal or professional as you choose. (And these were on the back of some of my kiddos’ art. A little personal touch, and again, a reuse moment. Also a nod to how we never leave motherhood behind, no matter where we go.)
I hope to have a nonprofit spotlight at every event as a way to “give back” and provide yet another way to feel connected to the community. SO much of the nonprofit sector is funded by women, driven by women volunteers and workers, and benefits women and their families. So this feels like an essential piece of the puzzle. (I also have a background in nonprofits and much of my strategic advising recently has focused on nonprofits, so this is another aligned decision with my main business too.)
Once the mingling was over and we came together as a main group, I facilitated an intention/goal setting exercise. It was super individual, but then I gathered them and posted them anonymously on a shared board so we’d feel like we’re part of a collective, inspired gathering. (I also was very aware that I had charged for people to be in the room, so I wanted a focus on what ROI or a “win” could look like to them.)
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There was even a selfie station with a branded mirror moment to celebrate getting dressed, out of the house, and meeting up with new or old friends. Things that might not be a big deal for some people, but absolutely are for others of us. (Bonus: it’s an organic way for people to promote their businesses and the Made For Mothers brand if they post to social.)
Basically, every single month, I want to be intentionally filling the room with caring and connected women, including these nonprofit spotlights and eventually sponsors, and with a diverse range of speakers on a wide array of topics. ALWAYS focusing on small group discussions as the heart of every event.
📍 Translating to you and your business/gatherings:
Ahead of my launch and at the recommendation of MANY people from many different backgrounds, I read The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. Would recommend if you gather in any way (even if you don’t see yourself as a “host.”)
The writer was super smart, experienced, and well-researched, but wrote in personal stories that made all her concepts really approachable.
Some key ideas that I took from her book:
1️⃣ “When we don’t examine the deeper assumptions behind why we gather, we end up skipping too quickly to replicating old, staid formats of gathering. And we forgo the possibility of creating something memorable, even transformative.
For example, in planning that networking night, what if the organizers paused to ask questions like these: Is our purpose for this gathering to help people find business partners or clients? Is the purpose to help guests sell their wares or to get advice on the weaker parts of their product? Is the purpose of the night to help as many people from different fields make as many new connections as possible, or to build a tribe that would want to meet again?”
2️⃣ “Reverse engineer an outcome: Think of what you want to be different because you gathered, and work backward from that outcome.”
3️⃣ “S. was trying to jam several half-hearted mini-purposes into one dinner party. No gathering could possibly serve so many different purposes at once…she knew that she wanted a more purposeful gathering. Despite knowing this, she ran into the instinct to multitask—to make a gathering do many things, not just something.”
4️⃣ “Every gathering has its Bobs. Bob in marketing. Bob your friend’s girlfriend’s brother. Bob your visiting aunt. Bob is perfectly pleasant and doesn’t actively sabotage your gathering. Most Bobs are grateful to be included. They sometimes bring extra effort or an extra bottle of wine. You’ve probably been a Bob. I certainly have.
The crux of excluding thoughtfully and intentionally is mustering the courage to keep away your Bobs. It is to shift your perception so that you understand that people who aren’t fulfilling the purpose of your gathering are detracting from it, even if they do nothing to detract from it. This is because once they are actually in your presence, you (and other considerate guests) will want to welcome and include them, which takes time and attention away from what (and who) you’re actually there for. Particularly in smaller gatherings, every single person affects the dynamics of a group. Excluding well and purposefully is reframing who and what you are being generous to—your guests and your purpose.”
(^AKA niching—what all the marketing gurus shout from the rooftop!)
5️⃣ And ^ this said another way: “Specificity in gathering doesn’t have to mean narrowing a group to the point of sameness. With certain types of gatherings, over-including can keep connections shallow because there are so many different lines through which people could possibly connect that it can become hard to meaningfully activate any of them. Excluding thoughtfully allows you to focus on a specific, underexplored relationship.”
6️⃣ “And if etiquette is about keeping people out of certain gatherings and social circles, pop-up rules can actually democratize who gets to gather. What could be less democratic than etiquette, which must be internalized for years before showing up at an event? A rule requires no advance preparation. Thus someone who has just arrived in a country and is unfamiliar with its culture, but is able to read an email, can fully, without embarrassment, partake in a rules-based gathering—but would struggle at a gathering full of etiquette landmines…If implicit etiquette serves closed circles that assume commonality, explicit rules serve open circles that assume difference. The explicitness levels the playing field for outsiders.
Etiquette allows people to gather because they are the same. Pop-up rules allow people to gather because they are different—yet open to having the same experience.”
7️⃣ “There is always risk inherent in controversy, because things can go very wrong very quickly. But in avoiding it, we waste countless opportunities to truly connect with others about the things they care about. The responsible harnessing of good controversy—handling with structure and care what we normally avoid—is one of the most difficult, complicated, and important duties for a gatherer. When it is done well, it is also one of the most transformative.”
❓Whenever you gather (with peers, as a consultant, in a coaching session, as a workshop host, at your dinner parties…wherever), how can you be more purposeful and more intentional?
This is an excerpt from Toward Purpose & Progress, my newsletter where I share business tips, good news, shoutouts to Founder Friends, and other juicy snippets. Subscribe here for more rants, reflections, and resources.
