Being Perfect & Leaving Space For Better with Angelica Evilsizor | Episode 101

Okay, Angelica, I am so excited to talk about you and your brand and just the beautiful way you view the world.

I am just like so excited to unpack it. So I’ll start with what actually might be sort of a hardball for you.

What is your current elevator pitch? What is something that you would say at a networking event or in a Zoom chat to someone?

@10:26 – Angelica Evilsizor

So you gave me the hardest question first, huh?

@10:28 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

I did, yes. We’re just going to rip the bandaid off.

@10:31 – Angelica Evilsizor

Okay, okay. So my brain goes in a million directions all day long, every single day. I do, quote unquote, something different every day, right?

So it’s like, oh, what do you do? What’s your elevator pitch, for example? And I’m like, where is the moon in the sky?

Because I don’t know. Who am I today? And so it depends, right? Sometimes I might say, Oh, I help people with their online businesses.

And I do this kind of funny mix of like music. EA work slash coaching. And that came to me all on its own.

And it was, I started making workbooks for our consumers that have courses, and then started helping them with their online content, and then they wouldn’t post it.

And I’d be like, hey, you’re not sharing the thing we said you were going to share. And they would be like, oh, I’m going to, and then I would watch and they wouldn’t do it.

And was like, hey, and they’re like, I’m scared. And I’m like, it’s okay. It’s like, push the button, baby.

And I’m like, but I can’t. And I’m like, push the button. And so it’s been really fun to have, I have a handful now of people who have given me consent, if you will, to not just make things for them, but to like, touch their life and like poke at them.

And be like, I see you, I’m over here watching. And it’s been kind of this little on retainer sort of situation where we just do life and business together.

So sometimes I say that, like, and that was nowhere near an elevator pitch. So it’s You know, I help mostly women with their online businesses.

I create things for them and then encourage them to actually put their little spaces out there.

@12:09 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

That’s probably how I would say that quickly. Yeah, I think both the ideas of creation and encouragement are so you.

I’m not sure I would have, you know, right off the cuff thought of those words. But when you say them out loud, yes, that is so much of your essence, at least from, you the exposure I’ve had to you.

So I love that you’ve been able to blend those together and listen to what people are needing. I think empathy is also a huge part of just how you move through the world.

Again, from the outside looking in. And so you just talked about a very empathetic offer design ecosystem, a very intuitive way to do business.

And I think for those of us who, you know, see all the online gurus and say, okay, here’s the 10 step plan of like how you.

To do things, it seems counterintuitive. And yet, you just explained exactly how it very organically came to be. And it was exactly what you and your perfect fit people needed, which is what a business needs to do and be anyway.

@13:15 – Angelica Evilsizor

Yeah, I have thought a lot about it and how I’m doing it and how it wanted to be done, right?

Because I feel like here comes the woo-woo-ness of me. That it, the thing, wants to be done. It’s not just I want to do it.

It’s it wants to be. And so how does it want to exist, right? And that’s how it presented itself to me.

And it’s like this combination of the two different things. And how many of us creative type people are like, I just need to hire somebody and they’re going to make all these things for me.

And then they make a lot of things for you and you don’t use them. Okay, I’m going to hire a coach because they’re going to like kick my and they’re to, but the coach isn’t going to do anything in your business.

They’re just going to like fire you up for a minute and then it’s up to you to go do it.

And then we don’t do it. And so if you spend the money on the coach. You motivate it, and then you don’t do the thing, and then you hire somebody to do the thing, but then you don’t share them.

And so it’s been really fun to have almost like these co-working sessions with people where it’s, okay, we’re on here together.

We’re sitting aside this time. I hate homework. I don’t want to do anything after we get off the call.

So I’m going to do this side of it. You’re going to do that side of it. By the time we’re done, we’re going to either push publish, push send, push something, and it’s done, and you go.

And that’s been so fun.

@14:27 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Oh, that sounds amazing. And I think what you said is so, so true. I often say a strategy is only as good as it is implemented, and coaching, to your example, is only as useful as the change you make because of it, right?

The posts that you outsource are only as impactful as eyeballs who see it or ears who listen to it or whatever.

So I think that that gap is so often missing. That’s something I’m trying to figure out in my ecosystem and my- So

Offer Suite, because I feel like my clients have the same problems, right? Like they’re so fired up by this amazing essence capturing brand messaging guide.

And then they’re like, wait, but how do I use this? Or I’m redoing my website. Where should I copy and paste this one specific line?

And okay, I really internalize this, but then how do I extrapolate and how do I repurpose and that sort of thing?

So I love that you are bridging that gap and just because there’s no, you know, I don’t know, boilerplate job title that necessarily describes that doesn’t mean that you can’t do that and be really successful in that and impactful in that and be exactly what people want and need.

So I love that. That’s so, so exciting.

@15:48 – Angelica Evilsizor

Yeah. And I feel like a lot of it also has to do with hitting your edges. So so many of us that are entrepreneurs are like, I’m going to do this and it’s going to be huge and a million people are going to like it and I’m going to make more type

And all these things. And then you can’t even push public on a post, right? And so I have one particular person that I’m thinking about where they hit the edges and they’re like, and they freak out.

And I’m like, I’ll hold your hair back. You puke. It’s okay.

@16:15 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Like, let’s do it.

@16:16 – Angelica Evilsizor

It’s all right. And then let’s do it together. I will hold your hand and you’ll push the button. And then all the words in my head, I’m going to say them how they’re in my head.

And then nobody’s going to see it anyway. Nobody gives a anyway. so then you’re like, oh, I didn’t die.

And oh, that’s interesting. And I just did a program, a three week program with people and it was called Letting Happiness Happen.

And we were talking about how you set up against resistance, even just like being happy, even just being successful or thriving.

And I had a lot of that that I had to unpack for myself. It’s like, it’s safe to be okay.

It’s safe to thrive. It’s safe to have money. It’s safe to all of these things. Right. But one thing that I did with them.

We think, like if we post something, for example, since we’re talking about that, you know, everybody, quote unquote, is going to see it or is going to think this certain thing or they’re going to judge me.

And we did an exercise inside that program where if I’m happy, like everybody, again, quote unquote, is going to like, oh, who are you?

Like, why are you changing so much? Or why are you so happy? Jesus, like, what do you know? And I’m like, okay, when we say everybody, it’s usually three or five people, and they all have faces and names that you know.

And so we did like an in the chat, like everybody just write you three to five names and everybody has them.

And it’s like, when you think I’m going to post this thing, and everybody’s going to judge me, it’s my aunt, it’s my cousin, it’s my mom, it’s the kid in middle school that said your thighs were too thick or whatever, right, which happened to me.

It’s like you have these very specific people. And so if we can either literally block them or block them in your head or not give a crap or forgive them or whatever, then you can go forward.

And so it’s a lot of that. It’s okay, what are you coming up against? Why are you resisting being happy?

Why are you resisting success? Why? All of these things that you say that you want, but you’re probably not going to do any of these because you’re just going to do them anyway.

So we might as well look at it and touch it.

@18:07 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Mm-hmm. Yes to all of that. I think what I love so much about your Instagram stories and this conversation and just anywhere you show up is it’s so simple and so nuanced.

And I just feel like there is magic in that combination. I just think that being a human, being a business owner, just moving through life is all about, okay, what are we actually telling ourselves and what is actually happening?

And very, very often they are not the same thing. The stories in our head are not the stories for everyone else around us.

And again, even if they are, so what? To what end? What will happen? What’s the worst that could happen?

What’s the best that could happen? I’ve heard about best case scenario journaling. Recently, from the host of now called She’s So Lucky.

And what would the world look like if more of us did that, instead of this just doom scrolling and overthinking spiraling of, oh, no, this is, this is going to be a disaster.

Yeah. So to whatever degree you want to share, I would love to know, what’s your current trajectory? And I know you said, you know, where is the moon right now?

What day is it? Because it could change. And that is totally valid. And we can honor that. But just in general, what is your vision for your life and business?

@19:45 – Angelica Evilsizor

What’s the trajectory you’re on? Yeah. Right now, I’m trying to find, I’m going to say that differently. I have four kids, and I’m on my own with them.

And so I want to build a more solid foundation under myself to be able to carry them and hold them and do the things that they require.

And so I’ve arrived at a moment where I am far enough from the process, emotional, mental, existential of separating and all of that, where I can actually kind of feel myself be ready to move forward in a more grounded way that gets more traction.

And so that’s two things. One is what we’ve been talking about with the VA coaching. And then the other side of it is the more spiritual room stuff that I love to do, like more of the self-awareness, more of the happiness stuff, more of the cycle tracking that we do or women’s circles and all of that.

And so I think I’d like to split myself in half and do both of those. The VA coaching. Everything feels like it’s where I can really hold people in real time.

And then that will feed me, my home, my kids, all of that. And then the other stuff will get to grow at its own pace.

However, it wants to, I feel like I want to be softer with that side of it and just kind of let it do whatever it decides to do.

@21:21 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Yeah. What a beautiful approach. And I think that self-awareness that you mentioned, that’s coming through really strongly from you to me of just, okay, I know who I am.

I know what I want. How can we get there? Because I know for me, and I think for a lot of us, the who am I and what do I want?

Those are the two hardest parts for me. The how, oh, could how us all the way to the moon if we needed to.

But like, why are we going there? What do we want to do once we’re there? Who are we on our way there?

That is. That’s I really struggle with. So it’s really, really assuring to know, okay, it is possible for someone to know these things or feel these things or whatever verb you want to include there.

Yeah, just what a beautiful way to look at growing a business.

@22:15 – Angelica Evilsizor

Yeah, I wouldn’t say that I know. I would say that I have gotten to a place where I let myself not know.

And that’s okay. And like in the dating world, for example, I’m not looking for the person, I’m looking for myself through the people.

And that has been such a huge reframe for me, where like, if I do go get coffee and go for a walk with somebody, I’m not running down the list in my head of like, can check this box and this box and that box.

What ends up happening for me that I’ve noticed is, oh, check me out. Look at who I’m being with this person.

And then I go on another date a few days later. It’s like, oh, look at that.

@22:50 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

This other part of me comes out over here.

@22:52 – Angelica Evilsizor

And so it’s just been, I’m leading with a lot of curiosity and a lot of self-inquiry and taking off the responsibility of knowing.

Who I am, because it’s going to change in 10 minutes.

@23:03 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Yeah, yeah, that is so permission giving. And I think the dating example is really transferable to business too. What do our clients bring out of us?

You know, what, what industry does this bring out of us? Or, you know, if we collaborate with this type of person or this type of business, what does that bring out in us?

How are we showing up to those spaces or to those people? I think that is incredibly important to pay attention to, because we do want to be a certain way in business.

It is our personal brand. It is a huge chunk of our time and energy and lifespan. So us being in integrity or being, you know, the best version of ourselves around people and ways.

I know, and we talked about Amazon before, before recording. And, you know, like feeling some sort of way about being part of that ecosystem.

And so maybe you’re not showing up in. Your best, fullest self because of that. I think that’s really, really, really important for us to pay attention to.

And I don’t think you would like see that in any business book. So I think that’s really important to add on to whatever we’re learning in, you know, courses or YouTube videos or mentorships.

I think it’s also really important to learn about ourselves. I think that is quite possibly the most essential part to having a successful business.

@24:28 – Angelica Evilsizor

Yeah, because you’ll trip on things and you won’t notice. And I think that one of the first moments I had was a few years ago where I noticed that I was listening to my thoughts before I spoke my words.

And it was my little girl. I forget how old she was, maybe three or something. We went to the store and the cashier gave her a strip of stickers and she started sticking them on the shopping cart.

And I felt and heard in my head, oh, you’re wasting them. They’re all going to be gone. And thank God I didn’t speak them and I heard the words first.

@25:00 – Angelica Evilsizor

Because I was like, they’re stickers. Let her stick them. That’s what they’re for. And actually, that wasn’t the first one.

Because several years prior, my oldest that’s going to college this year, she had money. And she wanted to go to 7-Eleven and spend it all.

And I said to her, I’m like, are just going spend it on junk? And then she came back and I came to her room and I was like, I’m so sorry.

It’s your money. And you get to do with it whatever you want. And you’re going to get more from whoever, whenever, your birthday, Christmas, whatever.

Don’t ever let me tell you that you’re spending your money in a way that is not appropriate. You do what you want.

@25:39 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

And so it’s been a lot of that.

@25:41 – Angelica Evilsizor

That is where self-awareness comes in for me. Where I think it’s out of anything and everything we could do is if you could be so aware of how you’re being so that you can not just kind of like get taken by the current of life and then 10 years later look up and be like, well.

How am I? And how did I get here? If you can just make, if you can notice what you’re doing, and realize it’s not what you want to be doing, and shift as you’re going through your day, every single day, intentionally, because you want to, dude, I mean, and so now, look at my notebook.

I stick all the stickers on my notebook, and they don’t have to be in order, and they can cover the other stickers, and it reminds me, they’re just stickers.

@26:27 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

It’s more than stickers. Yeah, parenting shines that mirror in your face so, so quickly, and clearly, all of the things that you didn’t realize you had internalized, and then you are suddenly vocalizing.

Yes, that is, that is, it is such a school, like it is such a journey of learning to be a parent.

But even for the non-parents, it’s a. Same with dating. It’s the same with being in relationship with clients. Like anytime you are in interaction with someone else, you are able to see all the thoughts that are going through your head as well.

And so, yes, what a beautiful, beautiful act of self-awareness and even to some extent, like self-compassion to be able to see the thoughts, decide if you want to speak them or write them or whatever it is.

Yeah. What an exercise.

@27:27 – Angelica Evilsizor

Yeah. I think it’s interesting what you said about like dating, for example, or like how in partnership or in collaboration with other people things come up because, you know, being single or whatever, like you read the book and listen to the podcast and you do the journaling and you do the work and you’re like, oh, okay, I’m good.

Right. And then the guy says the one thing and I’m on a spiral that goes 10 miles into the earth.

That’s like, where did that come from? And what the heck was that? And I had a moment like that.

And the moment itself, my benign. My reaction was exponentially. Essentially bigger than what the moment was. so I had to sit with myself and be like, what was that?

And funny enough, I went to chat and I was like, hey, this is what happened. This is what I did.

And what the hell? Pretend like you’re my therapist. What was that? And it’s like, oh, fear of rejection and da, da, da.

And you’re, you know, and like, oh, damn. Okay. And then I went to the guy and I texted him and I was like, can I tell you the mean thing that my head is saying to me right now?

And he’s like, yeah. And I shared and he’s like, I had a similar moment. Here’s mine. And then we’ve got to talk about it.

And it’s not because this is like the person or my person or my forever, whatever, but you get to practice inside of every single container that you have.

If you’re willing to.

@28:41 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

If you’re willing to. Yes. Yes. What an important caveat for any type of growth. Yeah. Thank you. So I’d love to know what is one decision or experience that changed the trajectory of your life?

Mm Mm Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I’m sure there are many, but any that come to mind that you want to share?

@29:08 – Angelica Evilsizor

The first one that comes up is separating this last time from my partner. And there was this moment where it hurt, right?

Obviously. And I was having this, like, just ongoing forever conversation with, like, God, right? Whoever that is for you.

And I did this. I remember I did this motion. And I was like this. Like, I opened my arms and kind of, like, raced for, like, the bullets to hit me.

And I was like, all right, go. Do it. Whatever you need to do to me right now, do it.

Because I don’t want to go through this ever again. Ever again. And by it and go through it again, I don’t mean, like, a breakup.

I mean, whatever has to happen. Happen inside of me. Let it happen because I need to do whatever that is to be done so that if and when, again, I’m different.

I’m in a different place. I can handle it better or it’s a different level of that experience or whatever.

And so when you say a decision, was that. It was, I will soften to this huge, yucky, painful thing and let it do what it needs to do to me so that I can get through it and come out to the other side, however different it is that I need to be.

@30:38 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Oh, thank you for sharing. And yeah, I just, I feel like the experiences that you are mentioning here, and I know I use this word again before we recorded, but are just so relatable to so many people.

Yeah. So thank you for that. And what a big, what a big life benefit.

@30:59 – Angelica Evilsizor

I was having. If I could add, I was having a conversation with someone, and we were talking about this because they were going through a breakup and asking for advice, and we talked about it, and I said, I’ve learned to die faster.

@31:11 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

And they were like, what?

@31:13 – Angelica Evilsizor

And I was like, yeah, like if there’s a part of my identity or me or whatever that I’m holding on to, and somehow I can maybe sense that I need to just let it burn, I will just do that.

I will, I, a few months ago, maybe a year ago now, walked out the back door, and it was as if I went back in time because it smelled like a certain moment that was really painful, and it just whacked me in the face, and it was just like the air outside or something.

And I started crying, and I’m like, all right, I now know that I can do this. And so I spent like an hour on the kitchen floor letting it do to me whatever it needed to do to me.

And then I got up, and I had this little, I picture like a little turtle without her shell, and she’s like all like wrinkly.

She’s delicate and tender and like everything kind of still hurts, but she’s like walking, right? And I was like, okay, I did that.

Let’s, let’s go. Let’s see what else I, what else someone lives on my to-do list. Let’s go watch the dishes.

But I will, if I can make the space, I will take the time to just go down with it and let, let it be.

@32:21 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Oh, as someone who almost never feels the feels, at least not on purpose, that is so admirable. And I actually, I really like that, again, permission giving of letting, you know, this version of yourself die faster, because then it will be the next version of yourself.

And then it will be the next version and it will be what it will be. And you will be who you will be.

And the same for your business, right? This business will be this iteration until you add something or remove something or the people on the receiving end change.

And it just is what it is. So yeah, taking the time. And sitting in it, which, again, is the step I always skip, but then doing something about it, moving on.

think that’s, it’s just, it’s, wise is the word that comes to mind.

@33:13 – Angelica Evilsizor

Yeah, it’s the trauma.

@33:16 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Trauma makes us wise.

@33:18 – Angelica Evilsizor

I have a little bit more of a, like, a business example, and it’s similar, where, I’ll say I. I mean we, but I’ll say I.

And not we, you, and me, but, the general we. We’ll carry this dream, right? And we don’t do it, and we don’t do it, and we resist it, and we’re scared, and we just drag it around for, like, a decade.

And then you go do it one day. You get brave enough, and you do it, and you’re like, I didn’t even like that.

And it’s like, find out that you hate it faster. Find out who you’re going to be on the other side of this super painful, difficult thing to do faster.

Because what if what’s on the other side of that thing is awesome? And what if the thing that you think is awesome?

@34:07 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

That makes me think of all the startup business advice, which is, you know, fail forward. And yeah, basically, do that MVP sort of model and then move on.

And I really like the application to self as well. So yeah, thank you. Thank you for the examples. They’re really, really illustrating, at least for me.

So all right, because I am a brand messaging person, I do want to unpack your messaging, especially in its multifaceted sense.

So I’d love to know what’s been the brand building process for you? What’s it been like to talk about your business and think around it?

Especially, you know, I know you have multiple Instagram accounts, but one sort of lives under. You Instagram, you have a website, but then you have sort of a separate brand name for your VA coaching.

So yeah, just what has that brand building process been like, knowing that, you know, it is still in process and always will be?

@35:15 – Angelica Evilsizor

It’s the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

@35:18 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Wow.

@35:19 – Angelica Evilsizor

It’s like, so we talked about it, like human design, manifesting generator, right? I feel so like, yes, that is exactly how I’ve lived my whole life, feeling like I need to pick one and go.

And that’s part of kind of like my own conditioning, right? Or like my own shame, let’s say that I put on myself, like, I can’t just pick a thing, I should just be able to pick a thing and grow it.

And instead, it’s like, well, today I want to do this and tomorrow I want to do that. And the next day I want to do this other thing.

And so my Instagram is called Perfectly Better. And that came to me because many years ago when saying like, oh, you’re enough for some reason was like the thing everybody was saying all of a sudden.

And it pissed me off. I was like, what do mean I’m enough? Like, I’m not done. Like, have so many things that I still want to do and so much growth.

And like, if I say I’m enough, does that mean I’m done? Does that mean I’ve arrived? Does that mean I’m enough and I don’t have to strive for anything anymore?

And so saying that to me, I wanted it to fit and I wanted it to feel right. I didn’t.

And I’m like, okay, how can I love me now exactly as I am and somehow still inside of that languaging leave space for, and I can want more and I can improve and I can still grow and all these things.

And I was on the beach one day. And I was like, today I am perfect. And tomorrow I’ll be even better.

And so that was perfectly better. And that was for me. It wasn’t because, oh, that’s a cool brand name or that’s what I’m going to teach people or whatever.

It was just for me. I wanted something that felt like I could walk through the day knowing I am perfect.

And some people are like, yes, nobody’s perfect. I’m like, well, I am. Today I am. Today I am as good.

I’m to get as good as I’ve ever been. Today I am. And then tomorrow, you get to be even more perfect.

And then people that are like very brainy in their mind are like, that’s not a thing. I’m like, yeah, it is because I said it’s a thing.

And so today you’re perfect and tomorrow you get to be even better. And then how does that then hold all of the things that I do inside of it, right?

Is mostly the self-awareness. It’s a lot of permission giving. lot of, instead of trying to fix yourself, what if you just let yourself be who you are?

What does that look like? And ironically, a lot of times, and that’s when we quote unquote fix things because you like set the arms down, right?

So trying to express that succinctly in any kind of way has been really hard.

@37:44 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Well, honestly, I think perfectly better does capture that really succinctly, like two words that really capture that essence. But I love hearing that origin story.

I did not know that. But it also really makes. It makes me think of what I will call a life-changing book.

It’s called The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control. And by the time this episode airs, I should have already done a whole podcast episode about it.

I’ve been shouting it from the rooftops. But she literally unpacks the definition of perfect. And she basically has your argument, which is simply in being, you are already perfect.

Because of like all of these, like she quotes philosophers and like actual definitions and all kinds of things. And her argument is that, yeah, you are worthy simply for waking up.

You are perfect in the way you are. And as a perfectionist, you are constantly seeking to make things better, but only the things that you care about.

And constantly closing that gap between reality and ideal, knowing that the gap will never close, but you get energized by trying to close the gap.

That’s that’s. The whole point of being a perfectionist. And so I don’t know, I highly recommend you read it, because I feel like that could be really, I don’t know, a cool exercise for you.

But yeah, that like, she basically said what you just said. And I think that is so permission giving and so contrary to so much of our society, which is, you know, if you’re going to be better, then something’s wrong with you now.

Or you need to be content. And, you know, just suck it up and be happy. And like, that’s that.

And I think for so many of us, I think any, especially people with an entrepreneurial spirit, people who are really into self-development and self-awareness and personality tests and human design and all the things, they know that, ooh, yes, how can I accept and also grow?

And finding that rhythm and that harmony is, I feel like that is the essence of being human.

@39:59 – Angelica Evilsizor

Yes. I grew up in Mexico with a Catholic family with a Jehovah’s Witness mother.

@40:06 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

And then I got married and was Mormon.

@40:10 – Angelica Evilsizor

So I’m like, I’m just going to hit them all and see what this feels like. And so there was a lot of woe with me.

I was born a sinner. I was born broken. I was born and I’m awful and I need saving. And I feel there was a lot of beautiful things that I got out of all those experiences.

And I could feel like, me. Sorry.

@40:34 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

You’re allowed to. Yeah.

@40:37 – Angelica Evilsizor

I, what? Like, why do I, why? I just couldn’t connect to I need saving because I am back because I was born back.

And obviously there’s a lot of nuance there. We can change those words like a million different ones, but finding a place of I am perfect because I am and not because of any other million, reasons other people would tell me.

I get to be, um, has been like a whole life work already.

@41:08 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Yeah, I feel like you’ve, you’ve already had, uh, 101 lifetimes and, you know, 101 more, hopefully. Yeah. Um, so I want to actually, using the word perfect, I’d love to know, how do you know?

And again, knowing in whatever sense you want to claim that word, but, um, how do you know you’re with your perfect fit people for your business?

What are the clues? How do you figure out the ways that are going to actually connect you with your perfect fit people?

@41:45 – Angelica Evilsizor

I’m thinking of the people I have now and what makes those connections feel like they’re perfect. And I think it’s their desire to to to

They materialize the things that they have in their heart and their willingness to let me push them off the cliff gently and lovingly.

It’s that. It’s we walked together. You have me in your pocket. I’m going to notice you not doing the things you said you wanted to do, but I’m going to call you out and we’re going to talk about it.

And then we’re going to sit together and we’re going to work on it. And I think that is what’s so fun to me and goes against so much of kind of like the coaching industry where it’s like, oh, make a course and then sell it a million times and that’s it.

And I’m like, I want to touch people. Like, oh, but that’s not going to scale or whatever. I’m I don’t give a .

I want to touch people. If I need to make more money, then I’ll charge more. I don’t want to do, I can’t talk to the void.

I just, I don’t know what to say. There’s nobody to talk to. And so. These people that I have, that I’m walking with now, do that.

They have these big dreams, and they’re scared shitless, and they need somebody to hold their hand, and somebody to then also kind of crack the whip a little bit, and then also set aside time and work with them, and do this whole thing.

It feels like friendship, like sisterhood. Like, yeah, dude, we’re going to do this together, and it’s not going to be, we’re going to talk once a month, and then you have access through Voxer, and then you can do it.

It’s like, oh, you’re in my text messages, and I know what phase of your cycle you’re on. Like, I know that winter’s coming, and you’re going to be worthless to me for seven days, and so we’re going to do this before this happens.

Like, I know when you’re coming into your summer season, that we’re going to hit the ground running, and so I’m not going to judge you for the last five days where you didn’t do anything, because I know we’re going to do all this other stuff, right?

Like, I’m in your business in more ways than one.

@43:56 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Yeah, I really, really appreciate it. Appreciate the anti-scaling-ness. And again, not that you’re against scaling, not that you’re against making more money, but also realizing this is how I want to work with people.

This is what my people want from me. And again, that enoughness, that perfection right now, maybe 20 years from now, after working one-on-one with someone, you will want to do something completely different.

Or you will want to scale, but through products and not through courses, because there’s some sort of mechanism. Who knows, right?

And it sounds like you’re really, really clear on what you want here and now, maybe the next step or two or whatever.

But then also leaving that door open to when opportunity and inspiration and life and everything in between shifts, and you make that pivot when you need to.

Yeah, I also, okay, because you mentioned. I really love that you are so deep in the cycle syncing and menstrual realm.

I know you have products around it, but you just very specifically mentioned it for like a work schedule too.

And I’m very aware of this. I have PCOS, so I don’t even have a cycle, even though I am like so researched on cycles.

I have wanted to be able to cycle sync for like my whole, I don’t know, 10 years or something.

And it just has not happened because my body just says no. But for anyone who has a regular cycle or is simply like, what are they talking about?

Will you unpack, sorry, it’s a little diabetes sensor, more personal things. I would love to know how you came across cycle syncing, how you integrate it.

And just again, can you like give your definition of what that is?

@45:57 – Angelica Evilsizor

For anyone who doesn’t know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was maybe five years ago, I started getting really curious about myself.

It all starts with ourselves, right? And it’s all ultimately just for us anyway, everything that we do. And I had this, it was like an income tracker thing on my wall, and I wasn’t really using it as it was meant to be.

And so I was to keep track of like when my period comes. And that’s all I started doing. was just when’s my period and that’s it.

And then more people like online started talking about it. And I started getting curious. And I never, and even now I’m like, when, when is luteal?

Which one is that? And I’m like, I don’t know. And so I started looking up just resources and books and stuff.

And I came across one that talked about the phases of your cycle as seasons. And that made so much more sense to me.

I couldn’t tell you anything about hormones or the real words that are used for describing any of it. But seasons to me helped me so much because you’re

Cycle starts with winter, right? So, and I didn’t, okay, let’s go all the way back. I didn’t know that your cycle began when you bled.

I thought that bleeding was like the ending of it. Like, oh, you’re done, right? And it’s like, no, no, no.

The first day that you bleed is the first day of your cycle. And it’s winter. And in winter, what does nature do, right?

Like, it tywinates and, like, drops all its leaves and sinks its roots down and conserves energy and, like, all of these things.

It’s, okay, well, why am I expecting so much of my health? If that made sense to me. I’m like, okay, maybe I can soften a little bit during that five days or whatever.

And then springtime. What happens in springtime? So I think of Thumper from Bambi. Like, nature and, like, stuff is blooming.

And, you know, we want to, is the snow melting yet? Can I come out and play? And then summer, when you’re ovulating, right?

It’s like, that’s when I want to go to the parties. And that’s when I want to talk to the people.

And that’s when I run myself probably a little too ragged because I feel like I have the energy for it.

And then I noticed that for me. you. So autumn, which is the week before you bleed, I’d get really pissed off and I would start cleaning everything.

And I was like, what is this? And so I started noticing, again, awareness. If I wake up and I start cleaning everything, I would go look and be like, am I in autumn?

And that was the thing. And I would tell my kids, okay, I’m in autumn. I will probably say things that I will regret.

And I need you to know that has nothing to do with you. It’s just me because right now I’m trying to can the freaking beans, proverbial, not real, and get all the things done because winter is coming.

My body’s like, winter is coming. All we have space for, all we have time for are the things that are important.

So if you need a 27 popsicle, go do it yourself. And so it’s like that kind of an energy that comes out of me.

And so one of my clients, she does not do the social butterfly thing during summer. She gets autumny into summer and overwhelmed and it’s too much.

And she shuts down. And it’s like, okay, I can’t just say. Everybody’s in the summer and everybody’s a social butterfly and everybody’s got all the unlimited energy because that’s not true.

Some people don’t do the, oh my gosh, my brain is trying to censor me so hard right now. My springtime is my kind of like ovulation summer that you see like in all the memes.

And so that doesn’t happen to me in summer. It happens to me in spring. And so I know that about myself and I can plan based on that if I want to, right?

Or a lot of people that I’ve seen online will say, you know, during the season, do this, during the season, do this.

And I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Like we all react to all the things different just to make it a little bit more fun, you know, like you’ve got to figure it all out.

Every single person, every single person. But again, going back to, I’m willing to do that. I want to do that.

I want to know you. I want to, I want to know you. And so I think it’s worth. Researching and taking the time.

so I made, it’s 18 by 24, it goes on your wall, and it’s a whole year of your cycle.

And you get to see the ends and the flows, and you can see what season you’re in, and you can see what moon you’re bleeding with.

And then there’s a journal that goes with it, and you can expand on, I got really pissed off during autumn, and this is probably why.

Or I ate a whole sleeve of Oreos during whatever, and this is probably why. And then did I do it again next month?

And did I do it again next month? And there’s a space for creating rituals for yourself. It’s like, okay, now I know that my springtime is, and so I’m going to start putting together what helps me, or what works for me, or, you know, just kind of personalize the experience from it.

So I think cycle thinking is a good place to start, and then you have to be willing to pay attention to yourself, and see what works for you, and then kind of tweak it as you go.

@50:50 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Oh, I really like that nuance of that self-awareness is still the most important part. So the act of cycle thinking is, you know, the start or the structure.

But then we are all so individual. I think that’s so beautiful and really, really important to remember. Yeah, thank you for sharing.

I will absolutely make sure the menstrual tracker is linked. I feel like it would be such a cool client gift, too, if you are a coach or just like if you work with a lot of women in whatever capacity, if you have a membership, like that would be such a cool intro gift.

I don’t know. I just feel like that would be such a fun gift to give other people, especially if they’re like remotely aware or honestly, even if they’re not.

Yeah, anyway, so throwing that seed down there for anyone who wants to pick it up. So I would love to know, because you said the brand building process has been so tricky for you, I’d love to know either what you’d like to feel more confident in in your messaging and or when you do feel tongue tied in your talking or writing as you as you think about your vision.

@51:58 – Angelica Evilsizor

Is there anything you do to feel more? Thank Mark. When I do have thoughts, I feel fairly okay sharing them, just saying them, and I think what I would like to be better at or find a way to do more is showing up consistently.

And by that, I don’t mean every day or three times a week. I mean, if you show up once a month, every month that’s consistent, right?

For me, to me. And so can I batch things? Can I have like, when I am feeling really creative, can I just like head down, go and create a lot?

Because I’m a mom of a million kids. And because I do so many things. And because I’m so like, just…

Thank you. you. you. Thank I’ll be doing one thing and another thing pops up in my head and I’m like, okay, I should do that.

And you should watch me walk through my house. I’m like a ping pong ball. And there will be evidence of the 10 different things that I started as I walked from the bathroom to that door.

And I would like to find a way to navigate that a little bit better. Not necessarily fix it per se, but just maybe how do I harness that of myself better so it’s not so distracting.

Like I’m distracting to myself. It’s not even like these outside things. It’s me and myself. And so I would like to find a way to do that a little bit better to where I can maybe drown things out for a moment and dedicate myself to something fully for a little bit of an extended period of time.

And by that, I mean at least 45 minutes because that is really hard for me.

@54:01 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Yeah, I’m deep down the ADHD women late diagnosis rabbit hole on the internet. Like I’ve mentioned it many times on the podcast and probably in my newsletter many times.

And everything you just said is so relatable, especially in motherhood. You know, if you do get a chunk of time by some miracle, then you’re like, why can my brain just not focus?

Or you are sitting down to write and like the inspiration just isn’t there. And so yeah, to your example, I have found at least for my brain and my a little bit for my childcare schedule, but more for my brain.

It’s like when I do have the energy and inspiration and creativity, I got to run with it doesn’t really matter what else was on the to list unless it’s like actually something urgent.

But I also designed my business so that I don’t really have very many urgent deadlines from anyone except for myself.

So yeah, everything you just described is so real, that ping pong-ness. Yeah. Of, oh, but the doctor’s appointment. Oh, but all the million and one other things.

And you can write them down. But, you know, actually doing them and then actually finishing them is a whole other thing.

And I think, listener, I feel like you either, if you know, you know, and if you don’t, you’re like, just do the to-do list.

And that’s fine. Lucky you if you were in that camp. But yeah, I totally understand being in the other camp.

Yeah.

@55:27 – Angelica Evilsizor

And it goes back again to like that self-acceptance and like the permission. Do we have time for a quick hard left?

@55:35 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Yeah, please.

@55:38 – Angelica Evilsizor

I’ve been learning a lot about like in the dating world, just different relationships and ways of relating and like your attachment style, for example, or even just like somebody who is a little bit more submissive or a bit more dominant or kind of bratty or like, you know, all of these things.

And so just really curious and leaning into like all of these different things. And what does that look like?

And what does that feel like? And what does that mean if somebody is like that? Yeah. Just all of it.

And I’ve come to realize that I lean toward that kind of rattiness. And I’ve been paying attention to how it shows up in my life.

And there’s, oh my gosh, this feels funny to say out loud. Okay. There’s this like, make me kind of an energy that comes with it for me.

And so I have learned very recently, like maybe just a couple weeks ago, that waiting until the 11th hour or feeling the pressure of a doing bank account or whatever it might be, comes with a little bit of that make me.

And so it makes me, right? And so I’m like, oh, I see that. I don’t like that. I don’t want to have to do that.

I don’t want to have to use that. Is there a way that I could quote unquote hack that part of my personality to where I don’t have to get all the way to like, there is no other option.

And now I’m being moved by this external. That I have allowed, because I, quote unquote, need it. And so that’s been kind of like the newest and greatest in my own life of discovering the ways I, like the dynamics I have with life, based on like who I am, like my own tendencies, and very eye opening.

And like, what if I just let myself be bratty? But what if I like, don’t do it to my own detriment?

Like, is there a way to do that? That’s where I’m at.

@57:31 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Yeah. Oh, I feel like, okay, I’m gonna send you all the, not saying that you have ADHD, but I’m gonna send you all the ADHD coaches I follow, because I like that 11th hour or that, yeah, don’t need to, don’t do something until you absolutely need to do it.

So like, pulling the all nighters in college, and you know, banging out a 20 page essay, you know, in the three hours before class, or whatever it is, I like never realized that was a symptom.

Or I just was listening to a podcast and It was with Trevor Noah, and he was saying how it’s either time is now or not now.

And so if you have dinner at seven o’clock, and it’s five o’clock, and your friend is getting ready, and you’re thinking, well, why?

Dinner’s not till seven. And then it’s three minutes till seven. And you’re like, oh, well, I still have three minutes.

I’m going to start this project over here. Just so relatable. Again, I feel like if you know, you know, and if you don’t, it’s like, all right, that’s fine.

But working with and accepting, but then also when it is causing unnecessary stress, like when there are parts of yourself or your business or whatever it is that you do want to change because it is unnecessarily stressful, finding that balance, again, is just so tricky.

But yeah, it all starts with that self-awareness. I feel like self-awareness is the name of the game for this episode, for sure.

@59:01 – Angelica Evilsizor

It’s been so fun.

@59:03 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Oh, I’m glad. curious about yourself is so fun. I feel like it’s more painful for me than fun, but maybe I’ll get there.

So I would love to know, how do you integrate your values into your messaging, your marketing? I know authenticity is a word that just gets thrown around the internet left and right, but I really do think you embody authenticity in all the best ways.

So, yeah, what of your values show up in the way that you show up and how do you integrate them?

@59:40 – Angelica Evilsizor

Pinning anything down is hard for me. My seven-year-old daughter now knows to not ask me what my favorite of anything is.

And she’ll say, oh, what’s your favorite movie? And she goes, oh, hold on, hold on. What are some movies you like?

And she softens her question because picking one of anything is really hard for me. And so when you say value…

value… I’ve done the exercises, and I’m like, how do I pick? I have 25 or 35, yeah. Right. And so I think I’ve just kind of let life show me what they are, and I’ve landed on, I know honesty is a really big one.

And whatever you would call the theme that says, I came across a feeling or had a reaction to something, and we need to talk about it.

And we’re just going to do it right now, and we’re just going to rip off the band-aids. Whatever that is, that’s one of them, because I, maybe it’s because I’m 43, I don’t know, but I’ve gotten to a place where I’m like, I don’t have time to wait.

And we need to know where we are in whatever our dynamic is, and so we’re going to talk about it right now.

That’s another one, and I think that’s what’s been helping me a lot with having clients. It’s, hey, here’s this thing, and it feels really weird to say it to you, but you’re not showing up.

Like, how do we fix that? Or, you know. You said you wanted a business move, but you’re not doing it.

Are you scared? Are you okay? What are you worried about? What’s the thing? And so we just go there, and that felt very true for me, to show up to the world like that now.

And so integrating that with business, I think that’s how it’s been so far. And integrity, trying to do what I say I’ll do, holding people well, saying, you know, this is what we’re going to do together, and then showing up for it as much as I want them to show up for it.

Just trying to, like, walk the walk. I have this red string tied around my neck. I went to a poetry event last year, and she had these lengths of red string and a little sword.

And I’m so glad I misinterpreted the instructions, because there weren’t any. And everybody was wearing them just long on their neck with a little cord dangling off of it.

And I didn’t see that until after I had wrapped it around my neck twice and tied it. And going back to that kind of like dominant submissive dynamic that we very lightly touched on, I almost like hollered myself to my promise and I wrote it down.

There was an exercise and it was kind of like this stream of consciousness of like just whoever, whatever on the other side of the veil has your best interest and is talking to you right now, write it down.

And it was very, go do the thing, baby girl. Like you’re here and we sent you and this is your gift and these are the things people want from you that we want you to give people.

Go. And so I kind of energetically infused, if you will, this red string with that and summarized it as show up to my life.

And so I tied this around my neck and it’s been on my neck for almost a year now in June.

And it’s. Show up to your life, and that, I feel, is a value, is I want to wake up, and I want to show up, and giving up the wrong option, and all these little people, like, need their mom, and I need me, and, and, and, right?

And so, it’s, I think, honesty, it’s, um, showing up, it’s integrity, and it’s got no time to waste.

@1:03:30 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Hmm. Oh, I, I can see and feel all that in this conversation, in your content, in the offers and products you’ve designed.

Um, yeah, I, I love the storytelling elements of all of those. Um, I, I think so often, when people think of a values exercise, they’re like, okay, well, I have to nail these.

Three to five words, and it has to be one word each. And there’s just so much more to it.

And so thank you very much for illustrating that. All right. Well, nearing the end of this conversation, I would love to know a tactical tip that you have from your intuitive training, from your coaching, from your techiness.

From whatever elements that you’re bringing to the table as a manifesting generator and just a multifaceted woman in business.

Yeah. Any tactical tips that you are able to share that will save people, especially multi-passionate, deep thinkers, save them time and money and energy or any of the above?

@1:04:55 – Angelica Evilsizor

Something I’ve been working on or with has been… … … … Oh, man. I can’t answer any question. Just like, here’s the thing.

Done. Next question.

@1:05:07 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

No, we’re here for the stories. We’re here for the multi-pronged tips.

@1:05:11 – Angelica Evilsizor

Give it all to us. I was listening to this lady. I don’t even know her name. And she speaks very, very airy-fairy woo, but also very profound and very dense.

And I feel like a 90-second reel of hers requires pen and paper. And she was talking about something I can’t tell you about, but it was something along the lines of geometry, right?

And when you have an idea or you get inspired or you have this urge, I think she called it an urge, it’s because that geometry is ready.

And when I heard her say it, I was like, what the hell did she just say? And I listened to it like five more times because it felt like there was something there that I kind of sort of could touch with just like my fingertip.

And I just. just. I wanted to be able to, like, grasp it a little bit more, and I still don’t.

But it made me think about all of this, like, I thought of, like, a lot of different misshapen shapes that I carry around, right?

And, like, none of them are, like, this pretty geometry. Everything’s just, like, oh, my God, what an awful example.

Cancer cells. Like, I think of, like, oh, like, I want them to be pretty, like, a pretty little package.

And the way she said it is, if it’s coming to you, it’s because it is. It is ready. It is done.

It’s yours. Go do it. And so close the loop on it. Like, do it. And kind of how I said earlier, like, find out you hate it faster.

Like, die faster. Go. It’s ready. Go. And so now when I do have some sort of little lightning bolt moment, I try to notice and go do the thing.

If I have a thought, I wrote a poem yesterday because I said to somebody, I was like, I’m a poet and words are currency to me.

So if you find yourself with some words. I would love to hear blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, that’s a really good line.

And I had one of those moments wrote, And so now that’s become kind of my sign. Like if I can feel myself, oh, then I pay attention.

And so I wrote it down. And I wrote, I am a poet. It’s right on me. I am a poet.

So I put words in my little coin list, and they pay my entry into a world where sadness is beautiful.

And then I wrote this whole page. And it was ready, right? And so I think practical, tactical may not be the right word to use on me.

But I think it would be maybe notice when you get a little nudge and see if you can trust that that means that it’s okay to go.

And then go.

@1:07:52 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

I love that you are so woo. But also, you very clearly are that nudge for your clients. You are also the reminder to them to listen to that nudge.

You are the, hey, let’s present together. A lot of the ways you describe the way you work with clients is being that very practical element when they are just trapped in their heads or in their feelings or whatever it is.

And so, yeah, thank you for straddling both sides. Thank you for sharing that excerpt of a poem. And thank you for making a poem tactical.

I love that. That was able to happen on the podcast.

@1:08:35 – Angelica Evilsizor

Yeah.

@1:08:37 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Thank you. Yeah. So, okay. What is, as we round out our discussion, what is a message that matters to you about life, about business, about anything we’ve covered or something we haven’t touched on yet?

@1:08:51 – Angelica Evilsizor

Okay. I’m going to say how I just heard it.

@1:08:53 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Okay. Okay.

@1:08:55 – Angelica Evilsizor

You get to be happy even when other people aren’t.

@1:08:59 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Ooh. Ooh. All we’ll just let that one sit. We’ll just let that one sit. Lastly, how can people stay connected with you?

@1:09:10 – Angelica Evilsizor

Instagram, perfectly better. I did start a Techie Girl Magic account for the VA coaching one, but it’s a baby.

But there is a link in there to chat for half an hour if anybody wants to do that. And it’s not one of those, I’m going to try to tell you, blah, blah, blah.

It’s like, hey, what’s that? What’s your name? How are doing? And then talk to you later or talk to you never or see you on Instagram or whatever.

@1:09:40 – Ashlee Sang (Ashlee Sang)

Perfect. All right. Well, I will link both Instagrams in the show notes. And Angelica, thank you so much for sharing part of your beautiful brain and your beautiful soul.

@1:09:52 – Angelica Evilsizor

Thank you. Thanks for receiving it.